Friendships Are Expensive!


Hello ladies! As stated previously, I spoke about the importance of friendship on my YouTube channel; which you can listen to in your own time. I will continue to expand on it in greater detail here. One of the saddest realities we must face about life is that everybody is not going to be happy when we prosper. The more your dreams evolve into reality, the closer you get to Destiny, the GREATER TARGET you become for the negative opinions of others.

People who don’t even know you may even form impressions about who they say you are and what you do. This is why I cannot stress enough that friendship is expensive and the people you hold close must also be aware of that. It is important to guard your heart for out of it flows the issues of life. (Proverbs 4:23). We must come to realise that not everybody is going to be for us, and it won’t always be comfortable to accept it. If you are someone who constantly gives out a lot in reference to love, encouragement, time and even energy, it can be mentally, spiritually and emotionally draining if you are not receiving it back. We must learn to put our love on a budget and be careful that we are not investing too much into people that we forget our problems altogether because we are limited resources and there is so much that one can do for somebody.

A lot of people today are worried that certain friends will leave them so they just stay in the friendship for comfort, not realizing that they are being mentally and emotionally suffocated, but if that is so, you must examine that person in your life. I have been in those types of circumstances where I was very afraid to let go of my friend at university for fear that I wouldn’t find anyone that understood me back then. Looking at it now, I am very happy that I made the decision to leave right on time, however let us not underestimate the situation because I can honestly tell you ladies that it was H-A-R-D!! Letting go of someone you call a true friend is hard, but the problems I encountered were just too severe that to a point it was even affecting my grades. So I had to make a decision that before I step into my third year of university, I would be spiritually, mentally and emotionally stable with myself and with others around me.

Ladies I do not know the struggles you are going through with friends, but may I highly suggest that you keep your friendship circle small and tight! You do not need too many friends to make you feel special; only those you KNOW in your heart that they will enable you to be better and DO BETTER! We can’t be entertaining friends that don’t want us to succeed, no honey that is not life AT ALL!! We need sisters who can tell us when we do wrong in love, and pray for us when we are weak. It is hard nowadays to find true sisters/friends to confide in simply because we must realise that they too have problems that will need to be attended to; some on the other hand don’t know how to be a friend because of their up-bringing. For example, being surrounded by gossips through-out your life can influence you to become a gossiper, and then you wonder why no-one is willing to invest time in you.

Queens, what you give in is what you will get back. When you give love, you get love. When you gossip, you receive gossip back. We can’t expect to pretend to be there for someone, and expecting someone to be there for us. The pretending is not what defines a friendship. It takes true generosity and commitment to still keep going even as friends hurt you in places you would not expect. I know it is not always easy being a giver all the time, but there will be situations that will make you think “Am I always the one who constantly gives my time and never get it back?”. If this is the case, then YOU ARE DEPOSITING TOO MUCH IN PEOPLE WHO ARE NOT INVESTING BACK INTO YOU. You will honestly be drained from people like that because I am talking from experience!

The example I gave on my YouTube channel regarding an individual going to the bank to borrow money. The bank will want to know why the person is requesting for £10,000 so what the bank will do is look into the individuals income and expenditure statements. If the expenditure is higher than the income, it becomes a problem. Why? Because the bank knows that the individual may not be able to pay back the money on time, hence the reason why this customer constantly keeps spending money as well as its statements are showing too many outflows. More money is going out than coming in, and some of us today are giving out too much to people who are not investing back in us. We need to shake it up another level! There is no time to waste on unhealthy relationships out there I tell you. This is the time to position yourself with people who have a similar purpose as you, and both can work hand in hand to strengthen each other.

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As I keep saying no-one can be successful on their own no matter how they try. Try holding a conference on your own without no singers, no guest speakers, no-one to provide the monetary funds to support what you are doing. It is hard! Don’t suffer by doing everything by yourself. In as much as it is important to guard your heart, there will be situations however where will we need to open our heart to a few people, especially when we encounter problems. I am not saying that everyone in your life right now is bad, no that is not the case, but there will be times where what we are passing through is too much to carry that all you need is that one friend who will not only speak but LISTEN. It can be very hard to get people to listen today though woah! That is a job in itself! But having a few people who can listen to your pain brings so much relief and joy. It is even a bonus when what you are going through is what the other is passing through, so that you both can encourage each other. Nonetheless, you have to be wise who you open up to.

The Haters

Opening up to a hater is like someone holding a knife behind your back waiting to stab you. Haters are such an integral part of your journey forward that you can almost categorize them. If we use discernment and wisdom, God will show us our haters. It is a sad thing that we have these kinds of people. In Jesus times, He encountered many haters from the Pharisees, Chief Priests to the Sadducees, however He still endured the pain and kept it moving. He did not allow His mind and emotions to get the best of Him, because He knew where He was going. In life, you won’t have time to entertain your haters because time is precious ladies! You cannot get that back so it is important to invest in those that will build you up. Jesus’ enemies although did help Him to reach His Destiny in the end, and it is important that although we may not want to encounter haters, they are a vital part of our day-to-day lives.

If you are spiritually discerning, you would know that your haters are the ones that push you beyond your comfort zone and achieve far more than you expected. People like this want to place labels on you, but you know that what they say is NOT WHO YOU ARE! Some say they can do whatever you have done better. Others minimize your accomplishments. There are critics of your desire to succeed who accuse you of being self-serving, dishonest or immoral. And let us not forget those who throw up your past to discredit or disqualify you, reminding anyone who will listen what you did a few years ago. But perhaps the most pain is inflicted by the haters who smile at you as they plot your demise. The vitriol of all these haters is nothing compared to the betrayal of the one you loved and trusted and who claimed to care about you.

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If you are struggling to know who your friends are, look at your surroundings and meditate on it, because until you can know who they are, you won’t be able to confidently step into your Destiny. On the one hand, this is why you can’t tell everybody your business because some cannot stand you prospering before them. Remember the road to fulfillment, purpose and joy will take you to Destiny, however you must always prepared for people with jealous, envious, and angry behaviors whose venomous darts are aimed squarely in your direction as you travel. The hurt may make you stumble, but DON’T stop and waste time on revenge or retaliation because the old saying is true “SUCCESS IS THE BEST REVENGE!”

We don’t even need to waste our time worrying about what people plan against us because we know WHO is for us! Remember Greater is He than is in Me than he that is in the world! (1 John 4:4). Remember that when God is in it, there is no limit to reaching success. Your friendship circle should push you to another level, not keep you down. Be sure to examine yourself also so you don’t begin drifting away and accepting what people say about you. Gods directions for your life are far greater than any human being. When you feel trapped into who to talk to about a situation, look up and know Jesus is there for you because He knew how it felt to be hated on. This is why it is highly important to be SELECTIVE about whom you share your dreams with. Jesus shared His dreams with the Father and you can too. God will never tell anyone your personal business, but a friend would. People with low aims can actually cause you to feel guilty or foolish for daring to have a dream.

When you encounter such reactions, make a mental note to protect your dream from such persons and understand the reason for their fright, anger or intimidation has NOTHING to do with you or what you are destined to do. Bare in mind that the Bible says the heart of man is desperately wicked (Jeremiah 17:9) so please do not worry yourself about what they are talking about because it is a reflection of them. Do not allow people’s problem to become your problem also. As you strive for Destiny, your vision may function at a higher level than your opportunity, which can create frustration. On the inside you can feel what is calling you, yet nothing on the outside and no-one validates your feeling. HOLD YOUR DESTINY TO YOUR HEART! Keep listening to your own voice. Do not allow the voices and opinions of others to disrupt your goals. Hold on to your revelation and avoid sharing your calling because that in itself is an EXPENSIVE THING! Everyone is not worthy of knowing your inner voices so guard yourself from people who don’t understand where you are going.

This is why we must understand that OPINIONS DON’T MATTER! because God chooses the least likely to get the promotion, grant, spouse, or even a prize. Right now somebody doesn’t think you are qualified to do what you are doing right now. All the spectators and imitators always have something to say but remember that their opinion is nothing more than their interpretation of you. If you have certain friends at this time who do not understand you, then wonder why they always form an opinion, because your goals are not their goals. They don’t really know you because they are not tied to your Destiny. Some friends are only there in the good times and not the bad. On the other hand, there are some opinions that can be positive too. It is wonderful to know that people are pleased as you fulfill your Destiny because they can cheer you up to greater heights and enable you to come out of your comfort zone even when you are feeling low. These people are “Confidantes” and are VERY RARE! 

People will love you but can quickly turn against you; these are “Constituencies”

“The successful are often accused of forgetting where they came from; these are “Comrades”

All these three components are what we need to function in life. We can’t only have confidantes, you will have those that will love you on benefits and those that highly dislike you. As you make your way in life you will learn much more from those who criticize you than those who adore you. TD Jakes says:

“I learned so much about who I was from my haters when I came under a fire of criticism. The first time I had that experience, I couldn’t even defend myself because I was shocked that people even care enough about me to write about me whether negative or not. I had no idea I was important enough to be hated on at that level. My haters taught me my own significance”.

This is powerful stuff! Remember that your opinions of others does not define who you are. You have every right to choose your friends ladies! Do not allow your emotions to get into the way of choosing your team. Because whether you like it or not, people will still keep talking, but you have to stand strong and ignore the drama. This is why keeping the right company is so powerful! The more people love you, the more haters you will incur, and you have to be okay with that. But having three or fewer people who are authentic and real won’t bother you, because real success doesn’t have too many friends!! 

Choose your friends wisely ladies because friendship is an expensive investment that can change your life for the better if you allow it to. We all have good people out there, just do not confuse the confidantes with the constituencies. We all need friends, it is just worth taking the time to know who really deserves a place in your heart. You can’t allow people to access you so quickly, that is too much energy! You must learn and understand how to set limits in love. We can’t do anything by ourselves, however with wisdom being our friend, we can use it to choose our team. Do not allow unnecessary people to waste your time because every second of the day is P-R-E-C-I-O-U-S!

A sweet friendship refreshes the soul 🙂

Stop trying to do God’s job!

Nowadays, most people are so keen in dealing with their personal issues in their own power; they take matters into their own hands by retaliating back with people who have hurt them. Some assume that God has spoken to them, but in reality it is their mind that has told them what to say because they are being led by emotions. In spite of it all, we must come to a conclusion that God is the only one who is able to solve our problems.

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We all have different struggles that is having a massive affect on us today. Whether it consists of health struggles, family struggles, financial struggles, emotional struggle, it is still a struggle!

When it comes to working for God, there can be conflict between each other. Wonder what would have happened if UNITY was utilized in our day to day lives. I remember recently scrolling down on Facebook to find one of Heather Lindsey’s statuses which caught my attention. It reads:

“Many people want stages, ministries, titles and whatever else, but they refuse to stay planted anywhere long enough for God to use them. They serve in one ministry for 3 weeks, get offended and leave that church because the pastor won’t sit down and have lunch with them because he’s pulled in a million directions. They church hop, ministry hop and whatever else hop, in the hopes that someone will recognize their ‘gifts’. God truly uses those that serve as onto Him and stay planted until He moves them. And long before God gives you a ministry, you have to show yourself FAITHFUL in serving elsewhere. How can God trust you with great if you are not faithful with the little? Let God develop you, prepare you and then send you. Leaders are servants. Minister is equivalent to a Servant and they could care less about the applause and approval of man”.

In my recent blog post “Approval Addiction”, I stressed the importance of how to live a life of not worrying about what other people define you as. If your concern is focused on what people think of you, then my friend, you are not ready to move to the next level. A lot of us desire to be used by God; they want to touch lives, they want to be effective, but are not willing to do the work behind the scenes. On the other hand, we see people of today being so occupied in serving God but with the wrong mind-set. Although our sole purpose is to serve God and help others, to some extent we want to be ‘known” by those around us.

Now I do not know about you, but I strongly believe that when God equips you to do something, you have to be ready for the call. Whether people like you or not, that is not your job to sort out. Let God handle that for you, and move on. Some people become agitated when it comes to serving because they do not feel comfortable, and because they were not chosen to hold the microphone, they get offended and isolate themselves from others. Ladies, never allow anybody to make you feel small when serving God. If you have that feeling in your heart, stop what you are doing and pray. Ask God to give you wisdom to reveal what your next step should be. Trying to retaliate back with them will not help issues, and eventually make it worse because you’re so concerned in being a spectator. God’s job is for us to stand still and see the salvation of God.

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Although I stress a lot about working for God and His Kingdom, this can also be applied to our everyday lives. I had a friend who informed me about the way in which she was being treated by her own family members, and I tell you, as painful as it sounds, you do not want to believe it, because you wouldn’t expect family to let you down, but it does happen. From a Biblical perspective, look at the story of Joseph and his brothers who hated on him because of the dream Joseph told them (Genesis 37); or how about the Prodigal Son in Luke 15 where the younger brother was living recklessly, using money anyhow and living a worldly life. When the son came to himself, he ran back to his father’s house asking for forgiveness, but was his other brother happy? No, because he thought it was not fair on him that he was faithful throughout the whole situation. And I have realised that as anointed as people can be, they don’t see that they too have made mistakes in their past, and is reluctant to open up for fear of being judged. Although someone has done wrong, what right does it give you to condemn them? Because from what I know, it is very easy to seem a big beam in someone else’s eye, but not focus on the log that is in your own eye.  (Matthew 7:3-5).

Furthermore, we feel the need to justify why we are upset when someone offends us; well sweetie, it is not your job to sort people out, it is for God to do it. John 14:27 says:

“Peace I leave with you; My own peace I now give and bequeath to you. Not as the world gives do I give to you. Do not let your hearts be troubled, neither let them be afraid. Stop allowing yourselves to be agitated and disturbed; and do not permit yourselves to be fearful and intimidated and cowardly and unsettled”.

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Sometimes, our job is to sit and let God stand. A very dear friend constantly keeps reminding me that when I stand, God will sit, but when I sit, God will stand. In other words, when you keep trying to fight your battles in your own strength, God will leave you to it, until you call upon His Name. When you have tried in your own strength to keep that relationship or friendship going, there is nothing He can do because it seems as if you know better than He does…

We should always remember to commit everything into the Lords hands as He will make it successful and prosperous. (Proverbs 16:3). Some of you may be asking ‘but what is God’s job?’ Well, God’s job is to protect you, guide you, give you peace of mind, protect you from the enemy, shower you with His blessings, and many more! Your job is not to save someone, you are not Christ. Jesus is the only person that can bring people to Himself. In as much as we desire to be used by God, we must remember that it is not by force that we change people for it is not in our power. Allow God to help you be transparent so you can reach the hearts of others. Then allow God to do the rest. A powerful saying:

“When you do your best, God will do the rest”. I stand on this word today! When you have done all you can, cried, prayed, fasted, sacrificed time for loved ones, attending church meetings, you will see the Hand of God working in your life. Some of you may be struggling with your prayer lives because it becomes too familiar and eventually you get tired and bored of it because you are not seeing any change happening. On the other hand, you have seen how your neighbor prays and God meets their needs, but when it comes to you, nothing is happening. I know how that feels, but I have come to a point where comparing with other people will get you nowhere. No matter how spiritually mature you are, or how well you can pray, God is not concerned about the length of your prayers, but the QUALITY of it. What are you asking Him to do? Are your prayers always about you and what you, or are they about being transparent?

Our prayers can be hindered, and for that reason we run to people assuming that God will speak to them to communicate to you. Sometimes, you have to do your own homework and listen to your teacher. If you need help, put up your hand, wait and listen to what the teacher is saying. If you still do not understand, keep asking until you get it. (Matthew 7:7). We can make our lives so much peaceful by not doing God’s job. He knows the end from the beginning, so just trust Him in the process. Together, we will reach our destination!

Quote: “In life, we are always going to have critics. We’ll always have difficult people who try to upset us and steal our joy. But you do not have to respond to every critic. You can decide to take the high road and let God fight your battles for you” 

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With love,