April – Transparency, Favour, Tears, Blessings

A month full of transparency, brokenness, laughter and recovery. I have experienced what it feels like to be up and what it feels to be low. I have seen many couples celebrating weddings and engagements. I have fallen for people who didn’t realise my worth. I nearly forgot who I was for someone who was as broken as I was, so I came to myself. Then again, we are human, God understands how we are and how we feel; we fall, we stumble, we cry, but in the end, we get up and keep moving forward because life never stops, you see. I used one harsh product on my face that made the skin under my eyes break out. No amount of foundation could cover it, but thankfully I rectified it by using my normal facial products. Dry skin gone! mini-testimony No matter how many times you want to change something, your usual comfort zone will always be your preferred choice. In times of hardship and conflict, it is in the midst of it all that you find God’s Hand in your life. Indeed, I saw it all.

Sometimes, my words can’t really express how I feel because my tears don’t allow me to utter a word. I’m just consumed by the heaviness in my heart that prevents me from hearing God’s voice, YET He still finds a way to deliver me. He is my King and Saviour. Just because I smile doesn’t mean you know what I am going through. It applies to everyone; despite it all, I am learning to embrace the beauty of God and His kind, gentle character. He is slow to speak and quick to love. His love silences my fears. Perhaps I was feeding my mind with negative thoughts without realising, or maybe I wanted to be my own counsellor? Hmm…

Every insecurity and low self-esteem have to give way to Almighty God because our problems are insignificant in the Lord’s eyes. I have witnessed blessings that I was not expecting. Instead of complaining, I chose to embrace it and cherish it as my own. I understand that what we ask for won’t always be giving to us when we expect it, but only in accordance with God’s timing. I was broken at the same time as blessings can bring burdens. There is pressure in enjoying what God has given you – understanding that there are people who are in their seasons. One must be careful of what to say when plans are going well for you but not the other person. If one is emotionally weak, you will fall for it and start becoming resentful.

I was humbled by the people I didn’t expect to open up and express how they felt at the time. All I had to do was listen because the pain alone kept me quiet. I didn’t realise people go through so much until they become selfless. I used their story as a reflection of mine. I am not an open book as such, unless relevant and according to the season. Maybe I was trying to stay away from being misunderstood. But I saw it as God prompting me to speak out. It should be noted that every obstacle has an opportunity of being revealed in due course. You can’t force someone to speak out when they are not ready. Give people time to heal, and in the meantime work on yourself; check your heart and inner motives. Their burdens broke me in order to bless them in the end. It wasn’t for my entertainment…

The Easter break, we celebrated the life of Jesus Christ who died on the Cross for mankind! When I ponder on the goodness of Jesus, it humbles me to the extent where nothing that comes my way should move me. He paid an expensive price for you and I. He took our shame and sin away. How deep is His love for us? His love covers ALL my insecurities, my health, my finances, He protects me when going out and coming back. He picks me up and tells me I am fearfully and wonderfully made. He reminds me that no matter what I do or don’t do, it won’t stop Him from loving me.

Where I am positioned now is for a strategic purpose – to serve other people and be a blessing. He teaches me how to enjoy my life and what He has given me; to not be afraid to explore and try out new things. I was able to meet new people and make friends this month. I also accomplished my 2nd book (Completion) which is coming out soon so watch out! Most of my achievements were birthed in April – but guess what, they did not come easy. They came with tears falling down my eyes, as I knelt down to pray by myself. It took sacrifice staying 12 hours every other day after work to finish my project whilst most people went home. It took concentration despite the unnecessary drama. But above all, it took Christ’s sacrifice which was fulfilled on the Cross – all to Him I owe.

To an extent, I was trying to figure out what path God’s taking me to, but I had to stop being so inquisitive and let go naturally. I had to stop worrying my precious mind to prevent it from over-thinking. God speaks clearly but I tend to allow how I feel at that moment take over. I have been spiritually weak and emotionally strong which should be the opposite, but God still has a way to say when you are weak, I AM STRONG! He is the I AM!

I realise that everything that is in my hand is not mine; it is God’s. What I have today is for the Glory of God. It is not mine but He teaches me to use them to bless others. He allows me to enjoy the benefits of my labour because He sees my intentions; not to be above anyone, but at the same time not to underestimate myself. Not to hide my blessings but enjoy them to the fullest. I learnt to open up to hurting people as they were able to do the same. I didn’t realise that broken people were a reflection of me. As they shed a tear, I also shed one or maybe two…

I knew the burden was too heavy to carry so God used them to open up and allow me to relate. I felt so much pain because my mind was focused on image, trying to keep up with everything, not realising there is only so much I could take. I knew my breaking point and put a stop to what made me want to operate in the flesh. I took back my authority from the enemy and started to walk in God’s integrity. I understood that what was stopping me from being free was keeping everything inside; God put people in my life to open up to, so why didn’t I take the advantage, when other people were encouraging me with their issues…

All the insecurities and downfalls made sense in the end – that it was all working out for my good. He reminded me that nothing I went through in April will be wasted. Some have stayed and others have left, but one thing I know for sure is that God will always remain. He is stable and very reliable. He has been with me throughout April, all to Him I owe. I have been misunderstood and I am sure you have too – I guess that is why I am different – there is beauty in being unique. I stand on this greatly.

Most of my greatest strengths came from April; the times I found it difficult to sleep, waking up with countless thoughts on my mind. I had to take a break from my own thoughts and start giving thanks. I couldn’t afford to stay in a box. I am called to do more. Perhaps the handshake the gentleman expressed could be the start of something new…but above all, it has been a month of transparency, favour, tears and blessings.

Be real about what you go through, you won’t always get it right but God is Faithful to examine our hearts.

Thank you, God – I’m ready for MAY!

Peace & Blessings x

Manage the Process

I have so much banter with God! I still remember the time I rushed downstairs to the kitchen to get my bottled water. Only to find out it was on my sister’s bed! covers face. I was soo embarrassed lol! I could have decided stress and become anxious but I reminded myself that He was in control and I wasn’t.

In Proverbs 3:5-6 it says that we must “Trust in the Lord with all our hearts, and lean not on our own understanding (6) In all our ways we should acknowledge Him so that He shall direct our paths”. It would be a painful experience to surrender everything we suffer with to God only to have it taken back by your fears and feelings. You may not understand why you are going through unexpected circumstances, but I am here to assure you to endure the pain. The predicament you are in is not a sign that God has forgotten about you, it is how you can manage the process with stability.

I finished reading an amazing book called Living Waters by Susan Deborahs. Ladies, I tell you, it challenged my mental state. Everything I spoke to God about, He confirmed it in this book and through the Word. I strongly advise you to purchase it, either on eBay or Amazon. Living Waters is an unforgettable short story taken from a well-known story about a woman in the Bible (John 4). The author looks at life before the woman meets Jesus Christ and how it is transformed thereafter; bringing freedom, love and peace through relationship.

The author gauges other women around the world who have lost hope and understanding of authentic love. The book aims to encourage relationships and restore Faith through the devotional. I just love the fact that there are so many women who face hardships and are able to share their personal testimonies to understand that they are not alone in their battles. The book encourages women to have an encounter with the Lord so that He can share the pain and find solace in the one true lover of their soul; Jesus Christ.

As women, we always feel the need to build a wall over our fears, what we struggle with and how we can prevent others from finding out. There is a part deep down of us that wants to be free from all the drama, heartache, backbiting situations that we try to cover up with a smile. I may not know where you are right now, but it is so important to not lose your Faith. Manage the process of where you are. It is a passion for some of us to set up businesses, invest in housing and properties, studying for higher education; some are planning their weddings and our minds are just saying ‘what if’. This USED to be me. I stood at arm’s length concerning most things; I desired great friendships, I dreamed of having a fearless life, I dreamed of chasing and fulfilling my dreams, but the question remained in my mind ‘what if it just does not happen?’ And I tell you ladies, it was fear that’s holding me back!

However, those negative events in my life didn’t dictate my future. I used to ask God why I felt like an under-achiever, but I realised that once I changed my negative thinking to positive thinking, I was able to manage the process and learn from it. In order to see change in our situations, it is stressed that placing our entire lives into His hands will require not only rest in God, but for Him to help us overcome our problems in peace. Now I do not see my situations as a set back. In my past, I would always think that for every sin I committed, God would punish me for it, but King David confirms in Psalms 103:8-10 that “(8) The Lord is compassionate and gracious, slow to anger, abounding in love (9) He will not always accuse, nor will he harbour His anger for ever (10) He does not treat us as our sins deserve or repay us according to our iniquities”.

When I read this Psalm last night, I was reassured that regardless of my past, God does not need to value it in order to bless me. Where I am right now is actually a blessing. The fact that I am alive to write this message is a step towards what He has in store for me. Things happen in our lives, and we face several encounters that are so difficult to explain, but our problems can never eliminate how Faithful God is to us. You may be in a job that you find very repetitive, or your husband is abusing you emotionally. Your closest friends may have turned against you, but I can assure you to trust your God. He will not disappoint.

Susan Deborah quotes: “I’ve had some real dark moments in my life, I questioned Gods existence at one point but God never stopped pursuing me or showing His love towards me. Even though life throws some blows, God was able to turn those blows into good (Romans 8:28). I started to understand that my value and worth wasn’t found here on earth but in Him alone”.

Susan is speaking from her heart. She has been through pain! Some of us may be able to relate to her and I am one of them. At times it can seem that God isn’t around but just because He is silent, it does not mean that He’s not present. So you might be asking how can I begin to trust God and manage the process I am in? Well first of all you can’t trust someone you don’t know right? But God knows you and you know Him. So trusting God beings with grabbing a hold of His Word and exercising what He says about you. “You are fearfully and wonderfully made”; (Psalm 139:14) and “Before I formed you in your mother’s womb, I knew you”; (Jeremiah 1:5). Don’t ever try to use your emotions to control the way you see God. Your emotions can destroy.

Gods word is a Lamb onto our feet and in our darkest moment, that is when His Word will shine the brightest to lead us into His perfect will. Ladies I tell you LITTLE PROGRESS GIVES BIG RESULTS! I can not stress this enough. I know the position you are in is uncomfortable, but if you can hold on just a little while longer, everything will be alright.


Ahhh! This! Sometimes we believe we’ve heard the voice of God, but we end up in the same position as we started. It can actually be painful! See it as a boomerang; you threw it with all your strength, to find out it came back to you and hit you in the face. How would that feel? That is what is likely to happen to us if we are not careful. We complain about so many things; why aren’t I growing? Why do I have this family? Why am I with this man who doesn’t value me? Why am I around this girl who loves bringing me down? Girl, you need to seek God about this, and stop allowing your feelings to control you.

When God tells you not to move, He means DO NOT MOVE! Did God really say that job you applied for was the one for you? Did He tell you to apply for school? Or was it that you desired those things? Ladies, not all our desires are God’s will, and this is why it is important to seek God and understand what He desires from us. Yes sometimes God can use some situations to draw us nearer to Him, but sometimes we are too fast and do what we want. I can honestly put my hands up and admit that I make decisions without His consent, just to find out that through the pain and stress, it was not God’s intended will for me to have, so I end up disappointed and miserable. So ladies, think before you make a decision.

We may get frustrated about where we are now, but if we do not faint, we will soon reap the harvest (Galatians 6:9). It may be hard for some to understand, but if we apply this scripture in our lives, God will open up the windows of Heaven and pour us out a blessing that we won’t have ENOUGH ROOM TO RECEIVE (Malachi 3:10). This is where Faith comes in! Your faith is not for God to only answer your prayers, but to help you go through problems with STABILITY

Susan Deborahs: “I made the mistake before setting my hope on things such as houses, a stable job and people; all these things are fallible. These are things that can be seen which hold no evidence of TRUE STABILITY, joy and peace. Why? Because these things come and go; they can be there today and gone tomorrow, anything can happen. Therefore they cannot determine how peaceful and stable I am”. 

Don’t let temporary possessions distract you of your position in the Kingdom. You are more than your position. If our hearts are set on the wrong things, we will always feel disappointed, resulting in us not trusting God. So you keep asking God ‘why am I still working here?’ Could it be possible that God doesn’t want you to be stacking money but to serve people? Could it be possible that He is trying to develop your inner character so that those around will see Christ shining in you?

Manage where you are sis; hang it there, it will all be alright. Refuse to be lazy, and work hard even when nobody is looking, because we are living for the Lord and not for man. This could be the chance to step into your destiny if you just don’t give up. Your process prepares you for your next journey. Once you arrive at one destination, keep going until God says so. Don’t be weary, don’t complain, don’t compare! Your journey is not the same as your neighbors, so learn to look unto God. He will surely see you through.

This message is dear to my heart and wanted to use this opportunity to encourage us all on enduring the various types of painful situations we encounter. Our real reward is in Heaven so let us hold firmly to His Promises for us. He will always be for us (Romans 8:31).

If there are any other topics that you would like me to discuss, kindly send me a message on the ‘About the Women’s Worth Conference Group’ page. I hope this message blessed you today 🙂


Love your sister in Christ.