Private Pain

Pain 3

Hey ladies I hope you are well? Today I will be talking about the subject ‘Private Pain’. A lot of us today are seriously struggling with hidden battles that we just smile to cover it up, for fear that people will laugh at us or even put us down. When I studied the TD Jakes book on Destiny; Stepping into Your Purpose, this is what he said:

  • Take courage and figure out who you truly are.
  • Find the courage to walk through the rubble of broken relationships when you lose friends or suffer betrayal as you climb Destiny’s ladder.
  • There is a private pain you must endure as people you loved, trusted, or admired turn against you in envy. 
  • It hurts to be criticized when you are trying your best.
  • It stings deeply when you discover the insincerity of those you thought loved you; they only loved what you could do for them.
  • They just can’t stand the thought of you getting what you want out of life. But you cannot go through the Door of Destiny without passing through the Hall of Haters

As we operate in our day-to-day lives, same routine; wake up, spend time with God, eat breakfast, get ready for work, come home, eat, watch TV, rest, pray and sleep; we must also realise that in between some of our schedules our minds can start to play up. We must be aware ladies that our minds are the weakest part of our body and it is our sole responsibility to ensure that we are feeding it with positive words and thoughts. When we always try to struggle and fight our battles on our own, at times it can turn to bitterness towards others and create a negative comparative sequence that we will never amount to anything, not realizing that the person you are envious of had their own personal struggles too.

Pain 6

Your private pain is something that can push you to get to the next level. You can use your struggles and rejections to re-direct your steps into a higher calling because the pain you experienced before was just too much to handle. Whether it is coming out of your comfort zone to work in ministry, being made redundant and struggling to find another job, building up on your credit scores; all these things won’t happen overnight. It takes concentration, commitment and more importantly DISCIPLINE! I told a friend of mine a few weeks ago that I don’t believe anyone has received what they demanded in their own time; they had to push themselves to work hard so that the results will speak for them. It is not about God always answering your prayers and then you remember to thank Him; sometimes you have to thank Him even when He says no, even when your personal business is exposed, even when it feels like you are not achieving anything in life, learn to say THANK YOU GOD because you do not know what He is protecting you from. What you think is right for you, won’t always be right in the eyes of our Father.

It is so easy to thank God when all your prayers are being answered, but it does not separate us from those who praise God despite their pain. Where is your Faith gone? Should we go back to basics? “Without Faith, it is impossible to please Him” (Hebrews 11:6). Our Faith is what enables us to get our breakthrough. Today I was studying Matthew 15:21-39 and it was based on The Faith of a Canaanite Woman. The woman was very down in spirit and was speaking to Jesus regarding her daughter who was severely oppressed by a demon. However, Jesus did not say a word to her. The disciples then came and said “Send her away for she is crying out after us”. The woman knelt down before Jesus and said “Lord, help me”. Jesus said  “(26) It is not right to take the children’s bread and throw it to the dogs”. She said “Yes Lord, yet even the dogs eat the crumbs that fall from their masters’ table”. Then Jesus answered her “Oh woman, great is your Faith! Be it done for you as you desire”. And her daughter was healed INSTANTLY.

Pain 7

Ladies, this ain’t me speaking, this is JESUS speaking! The woman’s Faith was so strong in Christ that her daughter was healed instantly! A miraculous immediate supernatural shift that occurred. This was the woman’s personal pain and she got her breakthrough. Now I may not know what you may be going through, but what I have come to realise is that our personal pain is a contributing factor towards our Destiny. What you and I have been through is not to make us weak in the Faith or give up, but it is to help someone out there who is struggling in with life’s battles. If you have a friend that constantly feels that there is nothing life has to offer, please share your burdens with that person. There is power in sharing your personal pain with good people who you trust and can push you to the next level. Do not get me wrong, it is NOT everyone you need to tell your business to, but someone who you can confide in, someone who won’t judge but help you be the best YOU! This woman’s mind was not even focused on the disciples opinions of her, she just needed that breakthrough regarding her daughter’s state. When you come to a realization point that you don’t even care what people think about you, you are near the point of TRUE FREEDOM!

Pain 5

Our painful situations are actually a gift because without it we would not know when we needed medical attention. For example children would never learn that touching a hot stove is a bad idea. Spiritually speaking, one of the benefits of pain is expressed in James 1:2-3 where it says “Count it all joy, my brothers when you meet trials of various kinds, (3) for you know that the testing of your Faith produces steadfastness”. According to James, when we endure painful trials, we can take joy in knowing that God is at work in us to produce endurance and Christ-like character. This applies to mental, emotional and spiritual pain as well as to physical pain.

To add-on that:

  • Your pain may be mental, so what do you need to start doing to ease the pain? – Renew your mind!
  • Your pain may be emotions/feelings, so what do you need to start doing to ease the pain? – Renew your mind!
  • Your pain may be physical, so what do you need to start doing to ease the pain? – Renew your mind! 

You ask how can I do that, it is very easy. You should be aware that putting your fingers on a hot stove is bad right? So your instincts will tell you not to do so. From a painful perspective, you know that getting all wrapped up in your emotions will prevent you from getting your breakthrough. What do you do? You renew your mind BY THE WORD OF GOD! Not just by His Word but also in PRAYER. You cannot wish your way out of pain, you have to show God that you trust Him 100% even when your plans are not working according to the way you wanted it. We won’t always get everything we want ladies especially at the time we want it. It takes determination, persistence and hard work! 

Pain 4

One my 25th birthday a dear friend of mine bought me an amazing gift with the words on it that says:


This is so powerful!! Ladies, we all have dreams, we all have goals and we all have aspirations! We cannot afford to let our personal pain get in the way of our Destiny. There has to be consistent positive steps to reach our Destiny. It starts through the elevation of our mind. Your dreams are what enables you to further reach where you are going, but hard work and dedication has to be put into it. Whatever you desire to be, never give up on it, even when things are not working out for you. We will have good days and bad days, but even in our bad days, we can always look back and say I have learnt something important. In other words, never be ashamed of where you are now because no condition is permanent.

Pain 2

The path you travel to Destiny can create as much excitement and drama, so you need courage to keep a level head and STICK WITH YOUR STRATEGY, ESPECIALLY WHEN YOU ARE UNDER ATTACK BY SOMEONE WHO DOESN’T WANT YOU TO SUCCEED. Remember in all things ladies, when attacks come, remain CALM! Instead bind up the pain and keep it moving. Glance back and cry for a bit, but you don’t have a lot of time for ‘whys’. God owes you no explanation for allowing painful circumstances; God has only promised to be with us and provide comfort during those times. And ladies, may I tell you, GOD IS A REAL AND TRUE COMFORTER! He really knows how to comfort and protect His Queens. So if you have not experienced His comfort before, I suggest you ask Him. Rest in the assurance that God has got you. Even friends that laugh behind your back about your situation, learn not to question God and ask why, because your ‘why’ will be that you’ve become someone else. You’ve grown and expanded. Your thoughts, actions, needs and desires now frighten stymied people, so they try to trip you up as you rise. Don’t get distracted by them. Don’t spend time wondering “Why is she doing this to me?” or “Why haven’t I received my breakthrough yet?” Summon the courage within yourself to live the life you desire.


It takes courage to let go of limiting people, even when they hurt you and get in the way of your Destiny. You need courage to admit that not everyone is going to be for you. So you must keep it moving and let such relationships go. It’s nothing to do with them, it’s just that your Destiny is too important for you to give up on anything. When you can confidently let go of the people you thought were for you, that is when your pain starts becoming lighter. You do not want to waste time opening up to people who won’t care or lift you up. You need real authentic sisters that can cry with you when you cry, and rejoice with you when you rejoice. As I say, you will know your true friends when you are in trouble!

Moral of today’s lesson is to understand and take joy in the pain you encounter. Some are struggling more than others, but it does NOT dictate the absence of God in your storm. You will make it because you are more than conquerors! Start speaking LIFE INTO EVERY SITUATION and never stop doing so until you see change! Queens, don’t EVER limit yourself to where you are now to where you are going. Where you are now is only preparing you for where God is taking you to. Don’t give up on God and on your dreams. Don’t give in to self-pity, stress and anxiety. Learn to free your mind, spirit and soul from the attacks of the enemy. Be FREE! Your personal pain serves a high purpose.

Love you all richly!

Blessing x

Pain 1