Private Pain

Pain 3

Hey ladies I hope you are well? Today I will be talking about the subject ‘Private Pain’. A lot of us today are seriously struggling with hidden battles that we just smile to cover it up, for fear that people will laugh at us or even put us down. When I studied the TD Jakes book on Destiny; Stepping into Your Purpose, this is what he said:

  • Take courage and figure out who you truly are.
  • Find the courage to walk through the rubble of broken relationships when you lose friends or suffer betrayal as you climb Destiny’s ladder.
  • There is a private pain you must endure as people you loved, trusted, or admired turn against you in envy. 
  • It hurts to be criticized when you are trying your best.
  • It stings deeply when you discover the insincerity of those you thought loved you; they only loved what you could do for them.
  • They just can’t stand the thought of you getting what you want out of life. But you cannot go through the Door of Destiny without passing through the Hall of Haters

As we operate in our day-to-day lives, same routine; wake up, spend time with God, eat breakfast, get ready for work, come home, eat, watch TV, rest, pray and sleep; we must also realise that in between some of our schedules our minds can start to play up. We must be aware ladies that our minds are the weakest part of our body and it is our sole responsibility to ensure that we are feeding it with positive words and thoughts. When we always try to struggle and fight our battles on our own, at times it can turn to bitterness towards others and create a negative comparative sequence that we will never amount to anything, not realizing that the person you are envious of had their own personal struggles too.

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Your private pain is something that can push you to get to the next level. You can use your struggles and rejections to re-direct your steps into a higher calling because the pain you experienced before was just too much to handle. Whether it is coming out of your comfort zone to work in ministry, being made redundant and struggling to find another job, building up on your credit scores; all these things won’t happen overnight. It takes concentration, commitment and more importantly DISCIPLINE! I told a friend of mine a few weeks ago that I don’t believe anyone has received what they demanded in their own time; they had to push themselves to work hard so that the results will speak for them. It is not about God always answering your prayers and then you remember to thank Him; sometimes you have to thank Him even when He says no, even when your personal business is exposed, even when it feels like you are not achieving anything in life, learn to say THANK YOU GOD because you do not know what He is protecting you from. What you think is right for you, won’t always be right in the eyes of our Father.

It is so easy to thank God when all your prayers are being answered, but it does not separate us from those who praise God despite their pain. Where is your Faith gone? Should we go back to basics? “Without Faith, it is impossible to please Him” (Hebrews 11:6). Our Faith is what enables us to get our breakthrough. Today I was studying Matthew 15:21-39 and it was based on The Faith of a Canaanite Woman. The woman was very down in spirit and was speaking to Jesus regarding her daughter who was severely oppressed by a demon. However, Jesus did not say a word to her. The disciples then came and said “Send her away for she is crying out after us”. The woman knelt down before Jesus and said “Lord, help me”. Jesus said  “(26) It is not right to take the children’s bread and throw it to the dogs”. She said “Yes Lord, yet even the dogs eat the crumbs that fall from their masters’ table”. Then Jesus answered her “Oh woman, great is your Faith! Be it done for you as you desire”. And her daughter was healed INSTANTLY.

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Ladies, this ain’t me speaking, this is JESUS speaking! The woman’s Faith was so strong in Christ that her daughter was healed instantly! A miraculous immediate supernatural shift that occurred. This was the woman’s personal pain and she got her breakthrough. Now I may not know what you may be going through, but what I have come to realise is that our personal pain is a contributing factor towards our Destiny. What you and I have been through is not to make us weak in the Faith or give up, but it is to help someone out there who is struggling in with life’s battles. If you have a friend that constantly feels that there is nothing life has to offer, please share your burdens with that person. There is power in sharing your personal pain with good people who you trust and can push you to the next level. Do not get me wrong, it is NOT everyone you need to tell your business to, but someone who you can confide in, someone who won’t judge but help you be the best YOU! This woman’s mind was not even focused on the disciples opinions of her, she just needed that breakthrough regarding her daughter’s state. When you come to a realization point that you don’t even care what people think about you, you are near the point of TRUE FREEDOM!

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Our painful situations are actually a gift because without it we would not know when we needed medical attention. For example children would never learn that touching a hot stove is a bad idea. Spiritually speaking, one of the benefits of pain is expressed in James 1:2-3 where it says “Count it all joy, my brothers when you meet trials of various kinds, (3) for you know that the testing of your Faith produces steadfastness”. According to James, when we endure painful trials, we can take joy in knowing that God is at work in us to produce endurance and Christ-like character. This applies to mental, emotional and spiritual pain as well as to physical pain.

To add-on that:

  • Your pain may be mental, so what do you need to start doing to ease the pain? – Renew your mind!
  • Your pain may be emotions/feelings, so what do you need to start doing to ease the pain? – Renew your mind!
  • Your pain may be physical, so what do you need to start doing to ease the pain? – Renew your mind! 

You ask how can I do that, it is very easy. You should be aware that putting your fingers on a hot stove is bad right? So your instincts will tell you not to do so. From a painful perspective, you know that getting all wrapped up in your emotions will prevent you from getting your breakthrough. What do you do? You renew your mind BY THE WORD OF GOD! Not just by His Word but also in PRAYER. You cannot wish your way out of pain, you have to show God that you trust Him 100% even when your plans are not working according to the way you wanted it. We won’t always get everything we want ladies especially at the time we want it. It takes determination, persistence and hard work! 

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One my 25th birthday a dear friend of mine bought me an amazing gift with the words on it that says:


This is so powerful!! Ladies, we all have dreams, we all have goals and we all have aspirations! We cannot afford to let our personal pain get in the way of our Destiny. There has to be consistent positive steps to reach our Destiny. It starts through the elevation of our mind. Your dreams are what enables you to further reach where you are going, but hard work and dedication has to be put into it. Whatever you desire to be, never give up on it, even when things are not working out for you. We will have good days and bad days, but even in our bad days, we can always look back and say I have learnt something important. In other words, never be ashamed of where you are now because no condition is permanent.

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The path you travel to Destiny can create as much excitement and drama, so you need courage to keep a level head and STICK WITH YOUR STRATEGY, ESPECIALLY WHEN YOU ARE UNDER ATTACK BY SOMEONE WHO DOESN’T WANT YOU TO SUCCEED. Remember in all things ladies, when attacks come, remain CALM! Instead bind up the pain and keep it moving. Glance back and cry for a bit, but you don’t have a lot of time for ‘whys’. God owes you no explanation for allowing painful circumstances; God has only promised to be with us and provide comfort during those times. And ladies, may I tell you, GOD IS A REAL AND TRUE COMFORTER! He really knows how to comfort and protect His Queens. So if you have not experienced His comfort before, I suggest you ask Him. Rest in the assurance that God has got you. Even friends that laugh behind your back about your situation, learn not to question God and ask why, because your ‘why’ will be that you’ve become someone else. You’ve grown and expanded. Your thoughts, actions, needs and desires now frighten stymied people, so they try to trip you up as you rise. Don’t get distracted by them. Don’t spend time wondering “Why is she doing this to me?” or “Why haven’t I received my breakthrough yet?” Summon the courage within yourself to live the life you desire.


It takes courage to let go of limiting people, even when they hurt you and get in the way of your Destiny. You need courage to admit that not everyone is going to be for you. So you must keep it moving and let such relationships go. It’s nothing to do with them, it’s just that your Destiny is too important for you to give up on anything. When you can confidently let go of the people you thought were for you, that is when your pain starts becoming lighter. You do not want to waste time opening up to people who won’t care or lift you up. You need real authentic sisters that can cry with you when you cry, and rejoice with you when you rejoice. As I say, you will know your true friends when you are in trouble!

Moral of today’s lesson is to understand and take joy in the pain you encounter. Some are struggling more than others, but it does NOT dictate the absence of God in your storm. You will make it because you are more than conquerors! Start speaking LIFE INTO EVERY SITUATION and never stop doing so until you see change! Queens, don’t EVER limit yourself to where you are now to where you are going. Where you are now is only preparing you for where God is taking you to. Don’t give up on God and on your dreams. Don’t give in to self-pity, stress and anxiety. Learn to free your mind, spirit and soul from the attacks of the enemy. Be FREE! Your personal pain serves a high purpose.

Love you all richly!

Blessing x

Pain 1

Seasonal Attacks!

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Yes I feel alone at times. Just because I smile it doesn’t always mean I am happy. It is all just a cover up. The pain still shows on the outside as well as on the inside too. I know you can’t see it because I smell good, dress good, look good, but beyond all of that physical attributes and appearances, I still want someone by my side reminding me that all will be okay. Wouldn’t you want that too?

Now I do not know about you, but this year has taught me a lot! It has given me wisdom and strength. Yes I have had seasons where I felt weak, but the Lord made strong through it all. With the help of the Lord, I was able to make decisions that benefited my well-being and the actions I will take to fulfill a successful future; the people I choose to be around, those who will help me to reach my potential and help to fulfill my visions.

For some of you right now, you may be facing a seasonal attack; it might even be a ‘silent season’ where God isn’t speaking. Ladies, I have been there, and recently it feels like I am at that stage now. It can be painful when we don’t hear God speak, but I remember a friend telling me that when doing exams, the invigilator is always quiet during the test. I have to keep reminding myself that though I may be in a quiet season, it does not exempt God from speaking to me. This is something that I had to train my mind to keep doing, because if I didn’t, the enemy would have kept deceiving me.

Remember ladies, there are times where you will become impatient about something that you really want, and the enemy will use your impatience to attack God. The enemy will keep whispering in your ear: “Where is your God now?” “You might as well give up on prayer because God ain’t listening!” Does these questions ring any bells at all? For me, they personally do. I was so spiritually weak and used to assume God did not care at all for me, until I met some amazing sisters this year that helped me to position and change my mindset for the better. Step by step I am getting there with the help of the Holy Spirit.

Your seasonal attacks should prepare you for what God has in store. Seasonal attacks are not permanent, they are temporary. Remember ladies that delay is NOT DENIAL! Just because you received a “NO”, doesn’t mean it will stay as a permanent no. Your mind has to be transformed by the Word of God. Remember that what ever door God closes, no man can open. Every single door that you thought was for you and God has closed it, you ought to give Him the highest praise, because I tell you, He knows what you can handle ladies!

Don’t assume that God is not listening to your prayers because your request was not answered at the time you wanted it. Instead thank Him for there is power in a closed door! Every seasonal attack is meant to push your character to become better and test your weaknesses. You must learn from every challenge you face because through them, your weaknesses eventually turn into strengths. If everything was easy in your life without struggle, how can you help someone who is currently going through problems? In my previous blog posts I stressed on the fact that I find it very hard relating to people who have not gone through anything, particularly without struggling.

For those who know me, I really found it hard securing a job after my degree, but thank God I have a job. People around me would always remind me that I have a job and that I should be grateful, but do they really know the pain I went through behind closed doors? The struggle of today is strengthening our tomorrow if you allow it to. In fact your seasonal attacks are working on behalf of your favor. Every trial, every tear, every test, even when you feel lonely and no-one is around is the OPPORTUNITY for you to draw closer to Him.

I am going to be real, there are times where I receive so many Whats-app messages and all I want to do is be with God, then when no-one sends me any message on Whats-app I get offended LOL! Can I be real here? Like honestly, it is not always easy because I don’t want to put God on the tip of my to do list; He must come first, and everything else shall follow. Recently, I have been drawing closer to the Lord and He has revealed a few things to me which I am really ecstatic about! 2016 is going to be a great year for you and I!

Just like how the weather changes is how our situations change, but guess what? GOD NEVER CHANGES! That is something to be happy about! When I sense my loved ones are too busy for me, I know there is someone who will never get tired of me, who will wipe my tears when I feel lonely, who will provide for all my needs when fear tries to act, who will keep me consistent in prayer, who will protect my family from harm. This is a God who remains the same through all of our seasonal attacks, and He deserves ALL THE GLORY AND PRAISE!

One of my beautiful sisters keeps reminding me that “If you don’t understand my pain you will never understand my pain”. Sometimes before we speak, we must THINK! Please do not underestimate the pain I went through in my past because you do not know any of the things I had to fight to get where I am today. I find it very funny when people assume you had an easy life without no struggle. You don’t need to tell people your business, but when you sense someone is trying to criticize your happiness, just ask them “Do you know how much it costed me to get this far?”.

If only some of your critics knew the background you came from, certain words won’t ever come out of their mouths, let alone their thoughts. I honestly do not have time to entertain a certain amount of pressure or negative vibes from people. As Women of Worth, we must know who we are in the Lord and know that all things will work out for our good! Our worth is NOT in our seasonal attacks but by the words of our testimony! You and I have a testimony! Whether big or small, it still glorifies our Father.

Sisters, if you are currently going through a seasonal attack, whether it be:

  • Friendship attacks
  • Relationship attacks
  • Financial attacks
  • Family attacks
  • Spiritual attacks
  • Emotional attacks
  • Psychological attacks
  • Mental attacks (Depression and Stress)
  • Psychical attacks
  • Health attacks
  • Death attacks

PLEASE SPEAK UP! Do not allow these attacks to get the best of you! Sometimes sharing your problems with people may not heal the pain at that instance, but it will surely lift up a burden from your shoulder. Personally, I find it hard at times opening up to people, but instead what I do is pray before I speak, because sadly not everyone will support you when you are down. You really have to know the right people you can open up to. This takes WISDOM AND SPIRITUAL DISCERNMENT. These both can come through dreams and visions if you ask for them.

So my dear sisters in the Lord, please do not keep things to yourself. Speak to God and those He has placed in your life. Bare in mind that not everyone in your life will be for you, but the good thing to know is that He will grant you peace of mind on who to talk to. How, through your Spirit. When you speak to someone, you shouldn’t have second thoughts if you are controlled by the Spirit. However if you are talking from a feeling-based perspective, it can lead to regret and resentment. Remember you have to be aware when Satan tries to attack you; this is through PUTTING ON THE FULL ARMOR OF GOD: (Ephesians 6:10-18) and to CREATE A CIRCLE OF CHRISTIAN SUPPORT! (2 Timothy 1:8-9).

Some are currently facing mood swings; happy one day, anger another day. This is not what God wants. He always wants us to be happy even when things don’t look right. Remember that your seasonal attacks are working for your good (Romans 8:28). Your pain serves a purpose so don’t ever doubt it! Do not settle for less either; yes your pain will work out for your good, but it does not mean you should compromise who you are just to fit in. Do not make a permanent decision on a temporary situation. Even when you are upset, do not let your anger sleep with you because it will deceive (Ephesians 4:26-27). In all things remember change starts from your mind, so be transformed through His Word (Romans 12:2) and meditate on it day and night (Joshua 1:8).