When is it going to stop being about you? Have you considered those around who are hurting and in need? Why should you always be the victim and put someone else to blame? I was reading an article today regarding ‘reconciliation’, and what I gained from the read was that being at peace is very expensive. When you decide to reconcile with somebody, it allows you the opportunity to break the frustration that is within, and enables you to become humble towards the other person.
Remember that we are all limited resources and there is so much that we can do for our brothers and sisters, but it must come to a stage where you are intentional about letting go of all the drama and past hurt; whether it is people who have betrayed, lied, or spoken negatively about you behind your back, you must learn to give yourself the peace and start with expressing your faults. In other words, you have to come to a decision where you say it’s not all about you, but also about how my neighbour is feeling.
Some people are very wise, in that they don’t want to bring up unnecessary drama from the past, so they just keep quiet, but it will come to a point where enough will be enough, and you’ll want to find out why they offended you. It takes a mature individual,however, to either seek God or get wise counsel from a Spiritual leader. It is not about talking to somebody else about another person because our communication with other people tends to travel fast. I’ve learnt throughout my years that when conflict arises, the best way to solve it is to go DIRECTLY to the individual and speak face to face, not on the phone, or Skype, or Facetime. There is something powerful about confronting face to face, as it gradually enables you to die to yourself and how you feel (not saying that your feelings are not important), but it also makes you aware that the other person is hurting too.
It really doesn’t do any justice if one party is expressing how they feel, but not taking into account the other person. We are all sensitive beings; you can try to cover it up with the way you dress, or the car you drive, or the way you look, but deep down inside us, we all have hidden vulnerabilities, flaws and weaknesses that a few people are aware of. And that is okay because we are not meant to be 100% perfect. We are imperfect beings, living under Grace by a perfect Father who loves us so dearly and cares for our welfare.
As God is the giver of life, He allows me to experience each day by waking up, having a shower, taking me out safely, bringing me back safely, allowing me to eat well and sleep well. He cares so much about us and wants us to be reminded of this. However, I do believe that as God grants each and every one of us life, we too must also give other people chances and accept them for who they are. I may not deserve God’s Goodness, Grace & Mercy, however, He still shows it every day. He reminds me that I am very important and that is why I am writing this blog post today.
You must realise that people who hurt you, are also important to God, and He wants to use those people who have hurt you, to reconcile back to you. Now, I am not saying that everybody can come back into your life because even Jesus Himself did not associate with the Pharisees or Chief Priests because He was aware of their motives. But, this has to be done with wise discernment, NOT your feelings or emotions.
We must always remember that when we think we have power over someone, we must be humble enough to assess our own lives and see where we too have done wrong to others, because in as much as someone may have hurt you, and you have the power to cut people off, you must also bare in mind that your words may have cut someone so deep, that every time they see you, you freeze because of guilt. Moral of the story is to treat people the way you like to be treated. Do not be a sneaky hypocrite where you assume you are right by cutting someone off because they hurt you, not acknowledging where you have gone wrong as well. It is very easy to say these things:
- ‘I did this for you last year’
- ‘I can’t believe what I am hearing about you’
- ‘You didn’t consider my feelings’
- ‘You don’t know how much I am going through’
- ‘You will never understand me’
- ‘Everyone makes me feel so alone’
- ‘I am going to hide myself from everybody’
- ‘I want to be by myself’
Does it sound familiar? We often get caught up in these words, and we must be sincere about it too. It’s okay to feel hurt and be distant, but don’t allow it to be a thing where you make it all about yourself as if you are the only person that is hurt. Some people honestly may not know that they are hurting you, and you have already defined them as an enemy, but not confronted the person about the issue. We may not always understand people around us, even those we classify as close, but we can pray for an open mind and heart towards them and how they perceive us to be. Maybe some of those around us are in pain, but isn’t good at managing it, so instead they put the pain on other people which can encourage conflict and division. This should not be so, but instead, being able to express where you have gone wrong in love and sincerity, and apologise will make matters much better.
It would be painful to develop such a strong friendship or relationship with somebody, to have a minor quarrel, and end up separate, especially if the relationship is based on true authentic love, generosity and TRUST. I’ve learnt in this season to be open and honest with what I have done to people, and apologise, because saying sorry is not a weakness ladies, it really isn’t. It is a strength because not a lot of us are willing to kill our pride or ego for fear of what others will say or think about us. So we have a bad-man attitude, trying to live ‘life’, but end up broken privately. It really doesn’t make any sense. The best solution to die to yourself is to apologise for what you have done and be sincere about it. Fix up your mental and emotional life. Don’t try to cover it up with your other personal issues, solve the problem directly. Don’t involve 3rd party people, unless you have heard from God and can take it from there.
Let us choose to die to ourselves and live a lift of sacrifice. Our world really needs it, and one day we will too. Your spiritual, mental, emotional, and physical state is so important, so you have the responsibility to ensure that this is fed in the best way possible; with the Word of God.