Whoever has your ear has the power to control you in various ways. I never realised how powerful that was, but from a psychological perspective, you are controlled by who you open up to. When you are going through a tough situation, it is firstly important to know how to discern who to tell, and who not to tell. There will be situations that just require you to search for the Father so that He can give you His direction on who to open up to. Speaking to people about your problems is not a bad thing, however, it can become so addictive that you forget to humble yourself and seek the One who knows you more than others. It is vital to know who has your ear and what they speak over your life. Remember that people can have a strong hold on you if you allow them to. When someone tells you to do A, they do B, and you will be the one feeling bad because those who know you very well also know every weakness so when they jump, they too want you to jump with them. If you don’t do what they say they cut you off.
When I have a problem, I usually go to the Father, but at times when I get frustrated and uneasy, I am very quick to go to a friend. Yes, we have all been there don’t raise your eyebrow…it is natural to go to a bestie, your husband, your spiritual leader etc, these people are not wrong, but sometimes people will give you advice based on how they handle their personal situation and when you apply what they have told you to your situation, it will result in a whole different situation that you did not expect to happen. I’ve realised in this season that some people won’t always be around; it is not that they are bad people because I too must remember they have their own battles to fight, they have their hurts and pain. Some may not be as open but the best thing for me to do is to give them space, however still have love in my heart towards them.
It is one thing to assume and cut someone off based on how you feel (your emotions) than to allow God to minister to your heart and remind you that He will never leave nor forsake you. This is His promise (Hebrews 13:5). No matter your season, learn to open your mouth to the Father, and it is not just telling Him what you need, but also being CONSISTENTLY ACTIVE in prayer too. When you pray, allow the Holy Spirit to lead and guide you on what you say because if you are not careful, you can repeat the same prayers over and over again and realise you are in the same position you started. Be careful at the same time who you let pray for you. There will be times that you’ll have to refuse certain prayers in case people’s spirits are negative. How will you know when ones’ spirit is negative? Through discernment and prayer. These are your two greatest tools that must be around you at all times. Do not take them for granted as they are very powerful.
Be careful who you let touch you also because some are carrying dead-weight of past faults. I’ve realised that people tend to find pleasure in remembering your past and still want to be your close associate. There needs to be a distinct level of discipline and discernment in these situations. I am not necessarily referring to the physical touch of a human being, but even when walking on the street together, and randomly a friend brings up a situation that happened quite a few years ago. You will pause and think what is this person’s motive? Why do people usually bring up your past? Because they are going through their own pain and want comfort so instead of confronting their own issues, they bring yours up to make them feel ‘normal’. Sis, those people are not your friend. You can’t keep having someone who consistently draws you back to your past. That friend who keeps speaking to you about what you did 3 years ago is preventing you from reaching your Destiny. Anything you do without telling them is allowing them to control every aspect of your life, but today I say take your power back because your life is too important for it to be wasted.
Refuse to be the woman who will stay down and break! Let go and let the Father take control. Those who truly love you will speak positivity in your life, they are the people who want you to do well, regardless of how many mistakes and break-ups you’ve had. A true friend is someone who will speak LIFE into your situations, they will encourage you to never give up on the Father and have you in their personal prayer time. They will speak well about you even when others are saying spiteful things. You will know who is speaking positively or negatively in your life; how will you know? Just by listening to what they speak about. Are your conversations always about the other person? Do they ask about your welfare and how you are doing? Yes, we are Christians, but God did not create us to allow people to walk all over us. We must be able to confidently let people go if their conversations and not edifying or healthy.
I want all women that are reading this post to know that God understands the depth of your pain with friends and even relationships too. He has been through it so He can relate to us. My role is to ensure that you stand firm as a strong woman and not allow anything including past friends, present friends or future friends to get the best out of you. Yes we will all hurt each other, it will even sting when we let go of that friend who constantly drains us, but you must understand that what people speak into your life can have such a detrimental impact, and if you are not wise enough to discern the motive on what people say, you can be bound by what people see you as. A question for you to think about is: DO YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE? WHO HAS YOUR EAR TO YOUR DREAMS AND VISIONS?
If you are the type of woman who has to keep changing for your friend to like you, or you are always making the effort to make a conversation, then you have to take a step or two back to see if the friendship is worth going ahead with. Are your friends only there to celebrate with you on that new job you received? Or will they celebrate with you when you get engaged? These people are only there for the good times, but how about the bad times? Are they calling you up to see how you are doing? Are they praying for you and encouraging you in hard times? Remember it is not everyone you can take with you on your journey. Learn to stop carrying dead weight and let God take over. You cannot control your life and your friends and expect the Father to just clean up after you. No, it will take SACRIFICE to seek Him for help, even if that means taking time off social media and less socialization and in particular having ‘YOU’ time. Yes, it will offend some, but those who love you will understand the decision you are making.
The more we grow older, the more we are aware of the attitudes and characters of people that we learn to speak with Him more than anyone else. I am in a season where God is teaching me to always seek Him first! I am better than I was a few years ago and continue to strive hard to do so. It takes an intentional mind to be disciplined enough to spend time with Him, not only informing Him how hurt you are but also asking Him to avail Himself to do His Will. Give yourself the peace you deserve to let go of some people because even Jesus Himself knew beforehand that Judas and Peter were going to betray Him. Although it was painful, He learned that man will always fail us but God will never. Jesus should always be our greatest example of humility, love, peace and in particular those who you should allow to speak in your life. Remember talking about people reveals your true character, not the other person. Want to talk to someone? Tell God what is going on because He is the ONLY one who can change someone’s heart.
Not everyone will be happy for you. I mean come on, how many times have we heard this? It is happening so much in our generation today, and that is okay because God did not create you to be a people-pleaser. He wants you to be your authentic self without having to justify every decision you make. Do you know how draining that is? Waking up each morning putting yourself down just because you made a decision that will benefit yourself? No sis, that is not good. Do not allow the enemy to steal your joy because you want to be free from what held you bound. Take everything back that the enemy stole from you and fight back. It is not worth you losing your hair, your time, spending money anyhow, doing foolish things just for a friend to stay in your life. I have been able to let people go in love, and it is not because they are bad people, but they just can’t go where I am heading towards. Remember God does not always keep people you expect to be in your life, listen to my videos on YouTube: Esther N J “My journey at university” and “Friendships are expensive”.