As we begin to look at the characteristics of what a noble wife should be like, we immediately aspire to be like this individual. Now, I am not out here trying to judge anyone who dreams of being the next Proverbs 31 woman, however, are you so fixated on becoming the Proverbs 31 woman that you forget the purpose in which God has called you for?
I know the pressure of most of us women to get married at an early age can be pressurizing, and if you are not careful to control your feelings and emotions, it is more likely to lead in depression and low-self esteem. There is purpose in being single. For God, He enjoys when we give Him all our attention; He enjoys our company and wants us to enjoy Him also. It is very important that before you commit yourself to someone, you are wholly committed to God first. Your first priority should be God; the relationship that you cultivate with Him should be portrayed when you come in contact with several people on a daily basis.
When you hit a certain age i.e. 30 years, and it feels no one is coming your way, do not break down and lose hope. God’s timing is perfect and once we can remember that, we are more stable in Him and will eventually build trust. When I listened to a recent sermon from TD Jakes “Faith is an Equalizer”, he said something so vital that made me change my thinking. He said “When you decide not to trust God in your time of need, it is actually an insult to Him. What a statement! We not trusting is simply saying that we know far better than He does. The funny thing is that God created us so how can we be smarter than Him? Impossible!
I urge you sisters not to be disheartened when things do not go your way. It is very important to retain a level of balance in your life, so that society does not pressurize you to fall into any guys arms. “He who finds a good wife, finds a good thing and obtains FAVOR from the Lord!” (Proverbs 18:22). When we come to realization that it is the man’s role to search for his wife, we then can make time for God to fill the space, however it does not mean that when the man arrives, we should place God on the back seat. A woman should be so lost in Christ that a man will have to seek God in order to find her.
As women, we place a lot of emphasis on our future partners and what we desire them to be, look like, their occupation and other relevant information. I too was like that. I would tell God how tall I want him to be, how he should dress etc. And then I realised how am I to place such high standards on a man when God Himself didn’t place any standards on me? He made me in His own unique image, and I learnt to really appreciate the people God brought into my life.
Focusing on Proverbs 31:10, it states “Who can find a virtuous and capable wife?”. The definition of virtuous means to have or to show high moral standards. This does not mean that we have to act a certain type of way towards the opposite sex; it means that we must see ourselves as children who are set a part in order to gain the riches of God. We are women of the most high God. Anything that comes to you and you feel it being less than who you are, you have to cast it out because it is something that should not be entertained.
We see the attributes of the Proverbs 31 woman and can establish that in verse 12 “She brings him GOOD, not harm all the days of her life”. Let me break this down now. This means that before God reveals to you who your husband is, you have to do your part of the job by praying for Him. Now here is where you have to be careful. That saying, ‘be careful what you pray about’ is evident. You can be praying to God to send you a man, and when He does, you tend to get overly excited by the fact that God has answered your prayer according to your criteria. Now, when this man of your dreams starts revealing his true colors to you, that is when you want to cry out to God asking ‘why me?’. Were you not the same person that asked God for a man?
This is why it is vital to take relationships carefully and patiently. Patience is truly a virtue because when you think about it; a blessing given too soon is not a blessing at all. For example, if you give a little baby (5 months) a very expensive watch, the baby is more likely to harm itself and choke if put in the mouth, however, when the baby matures and gets older (16 years), then it will know the purpose of receiving the watch from the giver. It is vitally important to ensure that when you feel the need to rush God to bless you with your hearts desires, that you are ready to face the consequences. Yes you may be getting married this year, but it dos not mean that you’re exempt from problems that other married couples go through.
The married couples that go through the most are able to stand in the face of adversity. I personally do not want any counselling advice from couples who have not been through anything. I enjoy listening to people who have been through hell and back, and yet can still stand and say “I am a conqueror”, because it helps me to know that I will be encouraged and can use it as reference when things are not going to plan. When someone tells you their painful experience about any relationship, whether it’s co-habitting or being engaged, take it as an opportunity to thank God because it is a ‘pre-warning’ to prepare yourself for the things that are yet ahead of you.
Initially, we need to be praying for our partner even when the both of you are not together, but pray earnestly that he is fulfilling his purpose and that whilst God’s timing is perfect, you too will complete your purpose. The Proverbs 31 woman had the greatest qualities a person could have. She was:
These are all set qualities that seem to be at women’s tick list but they never work out that they need to have these qualities before looking for them in their partners. I am making a determination to ensure that I am HARDWORKING, I am TRUSTING, I am LOVING, I am HONEST and I am STRONG! If I do not have these traits, then I may not be ready to commit myself to a relationship. If you are lazy how is the man going to respect you? If you’re having trust issues with him because of other men in your past, how is that going to make him feel? If you do not love yourself how are you going to expect him to love you? If you are not honest and transparent with him, how is he going to be transparent with you? And lastly if you are not strong, how are you going to expect him to be strong for you? Remember your strength does not come from any man, but from the Lord!
As we divulge into the passage, we can see that the Proverbs 31 woman went through some serious battles to be where she is today. Are you willing to ignore the critics and society to get you to your desired destination? Verses 21 says “She has no fear of winter for her household, for everyone has warm clothes”. This lady knew that circumstances are bound to come, but she would overcome them. She knew that God would make a way and she had the FAITH that no harm would come her way. At times, we all will go through situations and have no idea how to get out of it, but the Proverbs 31 woman knew that NOTHING was too difficult for God to handle. In order to know the plans God has for us, we must reflect on the hardship and difficult times in our lives and give thanks to Him for allowing us to go through them. Thank God for allowing you to go through that terrible break up, for if you didn’t, you would have not discovered your real partner that God had planned for you.
When you go through situations, it also helps you learn more about YOU as opposed to the opposite sex. The fact that Hebrews 13:8 says “Jesus is the same yesterday, today and forever more” tells us that the same God that gave you hope when everyone failed you is the SAME God that will carry you through your personal storm. She trusts that if everything else fails her, the warmth of God’s love will keep her household from falling. This now brings me to the question; “Can God trust you with trouble?”.
Clearly, the woman had to go through some tough trials, for had she not have gone through it, there would not be a testimony. The characteristics that are mentioned above, God will at one point in our lives test us on them otherwise we may end up resentful and ignorant. When trouble comes your way, do you fall on your knees and thank God and ask Him to keep you through the storm, or are you tempted to ask God why? Well I am sorry to say, why not you? Why not you so you can proclaim the wonders of our God and can show how powerful He really is?
To conclude, I would like to leave you with this question: “What are you doing each day that is amounting to you fulfilling your purpose?
Remember there is purpose in being single. Do not waste your single life living reckless, but enjoy the journey with your Father and see how He will comfort you in your time of need. You are beautiful and precious in the Lord’s sight! Ensure you continue to walk in His favor and direction. The man God has for you will be revealed in His time. For now, enjoy your journey of single-ship! Let God be your first and last lover 🙂
Grace and Blessings,